It's the question that keeps people awake. Do I quit, or do I stay? And it usually arrives attached to something small and specific: the manager who never says thank you, the meeting that ran over, the Sunday night dread, the job advert you keep re-reading.
But it's rarely the job itself. It's what the job represents: not being recognised, not growing, not being able to be yourself at work, or a life that no longer fits around it. Which matters enormously — because if you don't know what's actually wrong, you can hand in your notice, start somewhere new, and find the exact same feeling waiting for you six months later.
Before you decide whether to leave, you have to find out where the problem actually lives. That's what this post is for. (How you then go about fixing it — the conversations, the boundaries, the renegotiation, or the exit plan — is a whole piece of work in itself, and I'll cover that in the next blog.)
The tool: NLP logical levels
Logical levels is one of my favourite tools from NLP. It takes any situation — including “should I quit?” — and splits it into six layers, from the deepest and most personal at the top, down to the most surface-level and easy to change. Start at the top and work downwards, one level at a time, writing down what's true at each.
The rule of thumb: a problem at a higher level can't be solved at a lower one. If the issue is really about identity or values, no amount of new desk, new title or new employer will touch it. That's why the same frustration follows people from job to job.
Purpose
What is this work all for? Who am I doing it for?
The bigger why behind the career you're building. When this is unclear, even a good job feels like effort without reward.
Identity
Who am I at work?
Leader, safe pair of hands, the newbie, the fixer. Problems often live here — you've outgrown the role, or you're still treated as who you were five years ago.
Values & beliefs
What matters to me at work, and what do I believe is true?
Growth, recognition, fairness, security, flexibility. This is where most 'I want to quit' feelings really live — not the job, but a value being quietly crossed.
Capability
What can I do, and what am I missing?
Sometimes nothing is wrong with the job — you simply haven't yet asked for the remit, set the boundary, or built the skill the next level needs.
Behaviour
What am I actually doing, and what are they doing?
The observable stuff. Staying late, saying yes to everything, going quiet in meetings, refreshing job boards. Behaviour is usually the symptom, not the cause.
Environment
Where, when and with whom does this happen?
The office, the commute, the hours, the people in the room. Easy to change, and often the first thing we blame.
The exercise: do the brain dump
This is a written exercise, and it only works on paper. Take the decision that's bothering you — your job, not your whole life — and give it a page per level. Then answer the question at each level honestly, in whatever order it arrives. No editing.
Here's the part people skip: if a level is genuinely fine, say so. Write it down in black and white. “Environment: fine. Good office, sensible commute, I like the team.” Celebrate it, and move on. Half of clarity is ruling things out — otherwise everything stays vaguely wrong and you can never point at anything.
When you're done, read it back. The root cause is almost always the highest level with something messy written under it. That's your actual problem — and it tells you whether leaving would genuinely solve it, or simply move it. Environment, behaviour and capability issues can usually be renegotiated where you are. Values, identity and purpose issues are the ones that often mean it really is time to go.
“A new job will change your Monday morning. It won't change the reason you dread it.”
Worked example
The situation: should I quit my job or not?
Environment: the office is fine, the commute is manageable, the team sit near me. Genuinely not the issue.
Behaviour: I stay late, say yes to everything, check emails at 11pm, and spend Sunday evenings dreading Monday.
Capability: I can do the job with my eyes shut. What I've never done is ask for a different remit, or negotiate my workload.
Values: growth and recognition. I believe effort should be met with progression, and it isn't.
Identity: I've become “the safe pair of hands” — and that's not who I want to be for the next ten years.
Purpose: I still believe in what the organisation does. Fine.
The problem isn't the job. It's identity and recognition — which means quitting might not fix it, and the same pattern could follow you to the next role. The real move is a conversation about your remit and progression first, and a resignation only if that goes nowhere.
And if the conversation feels hard?
That's completely normal. Asking for a bigger remit, a pay review or a change in workload is genuinely tough, and quite often change doesn't happen simply because we don't know how to open the conversation without it going wrong — so we quietly start looking instead.
That's where having someone in your court helps — a cheerleader who believes you can do it, and a space to rehearse what you need to say in a tactical, considered way. You go in clearer, calmer and far more likely to get the change you're after.